The follow up on my rewiring effort, since I hadn't seen fit to place it on record here thus far.
Finally, I let her in. She'd been knocking on the walls. I'd let no one past them for as long as I could remember. But she, like the finest of rock cutters, tapped with infinite patience. The usual people tap 50 times, complain they can't do it, and go home. A pro knows, however, that it may take 51 taps or 1,203. But it will crack, eventually, with patience and fortitude.
I'll spend a lifetime thanking her for that patience.
Monday, December 15, 2014
The tedious meanderings of infinity
On occasion (or, to be more correct, "with startling consistency") I find myself strongly focused on the silliest of things. Bills. Traffic. Western religion. The noisy neighbors. The carpet. The past. Ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
Then my consciousness does an incredible thing... it turns its attention to the universe - the one song - the infinite and unencompassible. It does so through the sieve of society's mind-training, of course, so my concept of infinity is greatly tampered by the "you can nots" that one is raised to understand. As people, jaded by their perception of experience, take on the task of raising younger beings into their own jaded pine-boxes, the you-can-nots become i-am-nots in the individual. "I am not lovable", "I am not attractive", "I am not equal to god", "I am not..." etc etc. "I am", however, is an invocation of the universal source energy. It is creation itself, which the book-thumpers and tedious thinkers tell you that you cannot do. You must, according to them, wait for the big cosmic vending machine called god to dispense your rewards, provided you insert enough spiritual coins -- and you must trust the will of the machine whether or not it gives you the item you ask for. (a concept widely paraphrased from Wayne Dyer)
Unfortunately, the individual's notion of what-I-must-have is usually narrowed to a particular result, such as "I need a new Jaguar with leather seats and ..." blah blah blah details. Broken down to a finer point, one wants some material symbol of elevated social status. Neither of these points is compatible with a higher sense of contentment, though, so the resulting reward the universe bestows will fit the intention behind the desire, rather than the desire itself. If one asks for reliable transportation, one is bound to end up with either a reliable automobile, a quality bicycle, or a strong set of legs. Intention there was not to tie one's inherent worth to material possessions, but to find a reliable way to get from point A to point B.
Intention, in love for example, is demonstrated in how one loves another. I believe love is simply service. To express love, one must be willing to serve - and the intention behind it should be to do so for no other purpose than to serve. There should be no "well, he only gave me 70% so I can only give 70% back". In such a case, love means giving 100% regardless of what one receives, and with no intention of producing (external) reward. (In cases where one is abused, they should give themselves 100% and find their way to safety however possible). Intention, in one who gives 100%, will produce an equivalent reward from the universe. In other words, "gimme gimme gimme" tells the universe to ask you for service. However, "how may I serve?" will produce a similar response from the universe - "how may I serve you?" Being in service, however, must be achieved with an intention of service alone, not service for a reward, or one generally tends to believe the damn cosmic machine is broken, and they should take it personally. "The universe is picking on me."
I am constantly reminded of this lesson every time I start to feel as if life is cheating me somehow. There's no good life or bad life. There's just life, and it's all about interpretation, intention, and contribution. Try to take material items and status with you to the grave. Can't do it? Then one must realize that all you can do with life is to give it away. In serving for the sake of serving, you will find others will serve you. But only if you really mean it, for the highest reasons, and in the greatest love.
Then my consciousness does an incredible thing... it turns its attention to the universe - the one song - the infinite and unencompassible. It does so through the sieve of society's mind-training, of course, so my concept of infinity is greatly tampered by the "you can nots" that one is raised to understand. As people, jaded by their perception of experience, take on the task of raising younger beings into their own jaded pine-boxes, the you-can-nots become i-am-nots in the individual. "I am not lovable", "I am not attractive", "I am not equal to god", "I am not..." etc etc. "I am", however, is an invocation of the universal source energy. It is creation itself, which the book-thumpers and tedious thinkers tell you that you cannot do. You must, according to them, wait for the big cosmic vending machine called god to dispense your rewards, provided you insert enough spiritual coins -- and you must trust the will of the machine whether or not it gives you the item you ask for. (a concept widely paraphrased from Wayne Dyer)
Unfortunately, the individual's notion of what-I-must-have is usually narrowed to a particular result, such as "I need a new Jaguar with leather seats and ..." blah blah blah details. Broken down to a finer point, one wants some material symbol of elevated social status. Neither of these points is compatible with a higher sense of contentment, though, so the resulting reward the universe bestows will fit the intention behind the desire, rather than the desire itself. If one asks for reliable transportation, one is bound to end up with either a reliable automobile, a quality bicycle, or a strong set of legs. Intention there was not to tie one's inherent worth to material possessions, but to find a reliable way to get from point A to point B.
Intention, in love for example, is demonstrated in how one loves another. I believe love is simply service. To express love, one must be willing to serve - and the intention behind it should be to do so for no other purpose than to serve. There should be no "well, he only gave me 70% so I can only give 70% back". In such a case, love means giving 100% regardless of what one receives, and with no intention of producing (external) reward. (In cases where one is abused, they should give themselves 100% and find their way to safety however possible). Intention, in one who gives 100%, will produce an equivalent reward from the universe. In other words, "gimme gimme gimme" tells the universe to ask you for service. However, "how may I serve?" will produce a similar response from the universe - "how may I serve you?" Being in service, however, must be achieved with an intention of service alone, not service for a reward, or one generally tends to believe the damn cosmic machine is broken, and they should take it personally. "The universe is picking on me."
I am constantly reminded of this lesson every time I start to feel as if life is cheating me somehow. There's no good life or bad life. There's just life, and it's all about interpretation, intention, and contribution. Try to take material items and status with you to the grave. Can't do it? Then one must realize that all you can do with life is to give it away. In serving for the sake of serving, you will find others will serve you. But only if you really mean it, for the highest reasons, and in the greatest love.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Feeling dumb
It's distinctly embarrassing to express one's lowest emotional meanderings, only to discover as you're doing so just how ridiculous you sound. And, as well, to discover just how few people are there listening and how blatantly they express no interest whatsoever. They're around when you have free gifts or convenient things for them to acknowledge, but when you really need them, I'm just hearing fucking crickets.
Luckily I have at least one person who's always there, although she's not the most gentle at times. Maybe I'm just too weak-natured, but sometimes when I want to fall like a feather, she hands me an anvil. I guess life hands us what we need, sometimes, rather than just what we think is best. I don't know if it's as simple as 'move past it'... maybe it is. Maybe I can just walk away from all of that, jump in to the ether, trust something higher than me.
I'll marry her, if she'll have me. She says she will. Will I remain qualified for the job? I don't know, but frankly, it's the best thing I have to fight for... a united family once more. Then I can find a new support circle to encompass that, one that is really there, not just in words (or lack thereof).
Luckily I have at least one person who's always there, although she's not the most gentle at times. Maybe I'm just too weak-natured, but sometimes when I want to fall like a feather, she hands me an anvil. I guess life hands us what we need, sometimes, rather than just what we think is best. I don't know if it's as simple as 'move past it'... maybe it is. Maybe I can just walk away from all of that, jump in to the ether, trust something higher than me.
I'll marry her, if she'll have me. She says she will. Will I remain qualified for the job? I don't know, but frankly, it's the best thing I have to fight for... a united family once more. Then I can find a new support circle to encompass that, one that is really there, not just in words (or lack thereof).
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