Though I am forced by finances to up my lease for another 6 months, I am convinced at the end of this period that I'm going to have to relocate once more. It is tempting to keep following the small town dream, though this has brought with it the difficulties of limited budget. So far, whatever talents I have have not manifested in a heightened financial stability...yet. For a while I feel I have to chase the money. In a way it doing this will also shake up my life, which may be what I need to get out of emotional/spiritual complacency. This is likely to mean a return to the big city. Phoenix area, which I'm not fond of but it's still within reach of the children. Doing this of course means that I have a better plan in mind, and that I'm not just recreating the same life I have here down there. Moving over the hill from Cottonwood into Prescott Valley, I intended to improve all the aspects of my life. However it turned out everything just got a little bit more difficult. Same job, less pay, more days per week... Worse apartments, fewer friends... Bigger place but fewer opportunities. So picking up and going I have to be very serious that I don't again end up in the same life with worse opportunities. Of course the whole thing is that you have to be different internally. Environment means little if you're not willing to change. I feel like I want to change but don't know how. It's fear, pure and simple. But I can't imagine what to be afraid of... Maybe that I'll have to take responsibility. But if you always live in fear, never risking anything, what's the point of life at all? As the saying goes, a ship can be safe, left in the harbor ...but that's not what ships are built for. One is not a captain of their soul just walking the dock in the marina. The next big questions are what am I, and what can I do? I don't think the answers are here, in my familiar routine, anymore.
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